AUSTIN, Texas — If you believe making friends as an adult is a hard task, you’re not alone, and you’re not wrong either.
“It is hard to make friends. It’s hard to make friends at any age, though”, said John Daly, a professor of interpersonal communication at the University of Texas.
Before we jump into how to make friends or why it’s difficult to make them, let’s talk about the importance of having friends. You might be surprised to hear this, but not having friends can affect your health.
“The evidence is compelling,” Daly told KVUE. “People with a lack of friends oftentimes die earlier. They're not as healthy. They have suffered loneliness and loneliness has serious consequences. Not having friends is as bad as smoking cigarettes or being obese.”
Now that you know why it’s important to have friends, let’s talk about why it is so difficult to make friends.
When you were a kid your mom set up play dates for you, you went to school, had classes and saw the same people every day. More people used to join rotary clubs and bowling leagues, two things that just aren’t as common anymore.
For some, moving to a new city is what caused their lack of friendships. When you become an adult, you’re more in charge of making the move to make friends, since your mom probably doesn’t have play dates for you any longer.
There’s a chance that you have a lack of friends because your expectations are too high for what a friend should be and the qualities they should have.
Professor Daly said, “You want to be careful of assuming that a friend is going to meet all your needs. They’re not. You have multiple friends to meet multiple needs.”
Now, let’s get into the reason you’re here: how to make friends.
First, because it is the world we live in, some are turning to technology to make friends. Bumble was originally created as a dating app, but two years after the app was launched, people would find their romantic partners and then just wanted to use the app to make friends.
Priti Joshi, the vice president of strategy at Bumble said, “We saw that happening more and more often and said, 'OK, if our users are looking for this, we’ve got to create a separate space for them to do that.'”
They created Bumble BFF in 2016, and it’s been pretty successful.
“There have been 35 million friendships that have formed since the inception of BFF around the world, and then on top of that, 200 million messages sent”, Joshi said.
If you are using Bumble BFF, Joshi offers a couple tips. The first tip is to make sure you have photos, preferably more than one. Make sure it is crystal clear who you are in the photos also. Second, fill out the badges in the app. It helps people know if they have similar interests.
You can also use Facebook groups, or websites like Meetup to make friends as well. Some are even getting creative with these modern techniques.
Laura Lee Bishop and Joe Barlow are the two voices behind Heavy Friending, what they call "Austin’s No. 1 friendship-based podcast." They started off as complete strangers, not knowing anything about each other, and after a few years of podcasting together, now they’re best friends.
If you’re wondering if starting a podcast is a good way to make friends, Barlow has that answer.
“I think it’s the best way, to start a podcast,” he said. “You have required time where you have to hang out. We have a shared goal; we want to be rich and famous from a podcast.”
If starting a podcast isn’t exactly how you picture yourself making friends, there are more traditional approaches. Remember, consistency is key.
“You have to put yourself in a place where you can meet people,” said Daly. “Go to the same breakfast place every morning. Go to the same laundromat at the same time every week, and you’ll slowly begin to see the same people over and over again.”
Professor Daly also said joining a recreational sports team can up your friend list, and there are plenty of sports leagues in Austin. That being said, joining the league is only the first step.
“You can’t rush home when people say, ‘Let’s get a beer afterward,’” Professor Daly said.
That brings me to a pretty big takeaway when it comes to making and maintaining friends – it is hard work.
“It does take work. It is a lot of work,” said Laura Lee Bishop from Heavy Friending.
But that work is worth it.
“Friends connect you. Friends protect you. Friends are vital. We’re a friend species. Friends make your life better,” Professor Daly said.
Here’s a short list of ways to make friends:
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