Some of you staid, public radio-listening readers will ask how, with all the serious matters facing our community, I could write about dog-walkers disposing of dog poop in their neighbors' trash cans.
To which I would reply, because dog-walkers disposing of dog poop in their neighbors' trash cans is a serious matter in our community.
I wouldn't have believed it myself had I not stumbled the other day on an impassioned debate about the acceptability of this practice that raged like a stubborn case of worms on a Facebook page for Webster residents.
There were hundreds of comments, far more than on any local news story, many wielding ALL CAPS, smiley poop emojis and an uncomfortably liberal use of exclamation points!!! It was hideous, but also heartening to know that people cared, in some cases very deeply.
Mikaela Barnhart couldn't believe it either. She started the whole thing by posting: "Let's say I'm walking my dog, it poops in your lawn, and I'm a responsible dog owner and pick it up with a bag. … It happens to be garbage day and your toter is by the road. Would anyone complain if I tossed the poop bag in there?"
The question had been lingering for the 23-year-old Ontario County resident, who takes her pug-beagle mix Maizy on long walks and has a father who, according to her, is persnickety about his trash.
"It's always been in the back of mind, 'Would anybody care?'" Barnhart told me. "Webster has a very passionate, large group of people on Facebook and I thought that would be a good place to start. Turns out it was."
The thread was mainly a grappling match between your-trash-is-your-trash individualists and my-trash-is-your-trash collectivists, colored by the odd Fido's-trash-is-Fido's-trash sadist and the-whole-world's-gone-to-trash nihilist.
Ronald: "It is not my responsibility to provide a receptacle for your dog's fecal matter or any other trash you may find the need to toss in my bin."
Donna: "I certainly wouldn't give a crap if you put your bagged dog poop in my garbage!!"
Kimberly: "My dog wears a harness when we walk. I tie the bag to his harness and make him carry it home."
Tyler: "You don't even have to pick up your dog's poop from my yard. I don't care."
And on it went, round and round, like a dog chasing its tail.
Perhaps it should have come as no surprise. Even leading advice columnists differ. "Dear Amy" has advised that tossing bagged dog business into someone else's trash "is not OK," while "Dear Abby" has said it isn't "a social no-no."
I don't have a dog, but I have placed recyclables in my across-the-street neighbor's recycling bin. On our street, the recycling is picked up on my side at dawn and on his side in the late morning.
I do this when I'm unexpectedly stuck with an empty box of Fruity Pebbles at 7:30 a.m. on pick-up days. I don't think anything of it. But then, Fruity Pebbles isn't the same as dog waste, although some nutritionists might disagree.
It never occurred to me until reading Julie's remarks that I may be breaking the law.
Julie: "It's actually called 'theft of services.'"
Depending on where you live, refuse bins may be the property of the municipality or the contractor hired to remove their contents and not the homeowner who filled them. But the homeowner likely paid in some form or another for the trash to get picked up.
For the record, though, I don't see a legal or moral problem with anyone tossing a dog turd in my trash bin. Fire away. It's already loaded with cat poop anyway.
Besides, I can't bear watching the indignity of dog "masters" reduced to carrying their subject's waste like a submissive lackey.
I'm old enough to remember when dog owners had enough spine to turn their noses up at their dog's waste on someone else's lawn and slink away into the night, leaving the mess for some unsuspecting kid to step in on his way to school.
Most municipalities nowadays have by-laws requiring dog owners and walkers to pick up after their dogs in public.
Webster's town code, for instance, requires "the owner of such dog or animal shall remove the waste, and make proper disposal thereof." The code doesn't define "proper disposal," however.
But the mere fact that people are debating in ALL CAPS, smiley poop emojis and exclamation points about into whose trash to throw a dog turd speaks volumes about how far we've come as a society.
Sue: "I think it's hilarious that there are nearly 300 comments in this thread. #firstworldquestions."
